10 Ways to Respond When Loving Someone at Church Feels Hard

Loving God and being fully invested at church doesn’t prevent flawed interactions between imperfect people. Sometimes, resolving conflict is easy. Other times, it’s not. It may even require a radical change of heart or perspective.

Beautiful artwork @kaylouisedoodles

10 Thoughts on When Loving Someone at Church Feels Hard

1. 

God knows all the details of hurtful situations, friends don’t. He can help us know when to ask for forgiveness, set boundaries, peacefully stand up for ourselves, or simply let it go and love someone where they are.

2. 

“All-or-nothing” thinking, or seeing people or situations as entirely good or entirely bad, is an easy trap. In reality, few things in life are that black and white. Conflict usually involves many factors.

3. 

Oneness may require the sacrifice of pride. If imperfection (not abuse) is at the core of conflict, the Savior may lovingly teach us, “You can be right, or you can be mine.”

4. 

True peacemaking means looking for common ground instead of focusing on differences.

5. 

Judging someone (or a situation) based solely on how we feel ignores that most of us bring old hurts to new experiences. It’s easy to read more into a moment than is actually there.

6. 

Jesus taught us to love our neighbor, which makes hurt or angry feelings a temptation, not an entitlement. That said, He acknowledge harm without abandoning faith while ministering to those who were mistreated. We can reflect Him by peacefully standing up behavior that isn't Christlike.

A good question to ask is, How might resisting the temptation to be angry bring peace? How might resisting the temptation to do nothing in the face of harmful behavior prevent spiritual wounds?

7. 

“There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.” —Mary Lou Kownacki

8. 

Ask yourself: Why is this situation especially hard for me? Is there something God wants me to learn about the past, my Savior, or myself?

9. 

Another way to look at an offensive remark is that it can become either a window or a door. Like a window, it can let in light and new understanding. Like a door, it can become a barrier to hide behind in darkness and fear.

10. 

A thought I often hold unto if a difficult interaction threatens to destroy my peace: In the Garden of Gethsemane, the Savior stood by me as He took upon Himself my mistakes, weakness, and pain. Now, I have the chance to stand by Him, by choosing how I will respond when behavior is imperfect.

Note: Hurt at church can often be resolved by giving grace. Repeated patterns of mistreatment, coercion, or controlling behavior should always be addressed.