How to Mentor Teen Faith Without Hurt, Anger, or Fear

Jesus saw beyond behavior and ministered with patience and faith to the one.

"Does anyone know anything about 'Good Shepherds?'"

That was my segue into John 10:1-18 in a morning scripture study class with teens. A student raised his hand.

“They gather their sheep at the gate of their enclosure every night and check for wounds. Then, they minister to each one before sheltering them at night.”

That was many years ago, but my throat still catches when I think of it.

As my student shared that thought, my mind flooded with impressions:

Your home is full of at-the-gate moments.

You could better minister to your teens.

If I’m being completely honest, things started to pivot when our kids became teenagers. When they were little, I used to ask questions like, “What’s your greatest concern right now?” or “Is anything stressing you out?”

Suddenly, our children were teens—and instead of thinking about how they were doing, I worried about what they were doing.

When my student made that comment in class, it made me reflect on our interactions. Was my home a Good Shepherd’s gate?

Maybe it had become more like the gate at airport security.

Instead of ministering, I was screening—looking for embarrassing behavior or red flags for church gossip. The cause of that shift would take me years to understand. But thankfully, my Savior kept bringing in light (like my student had).

---

What else should I know about good shepherds and sheep?

After some study, I discovered—a lot.

---

Sheep are...

• emotionally complex

• prone to wander

• easily lost

• herd-dependent

• known to follow others into dangerous situations

• capable of long-lasting bonds with people

• trusting of the voice of their shepherd

• not as safe with hirelings

---

Hirelings are...

• hired contract workers (the relationship is temporary)

• movers of sheep (they don't minister to wounds)

• drivers from behind (sheep won't follow them)

• the first to flee when danger comes (when terms no longer benefit them)

---

Good Shepherds are...

• owners of sheep (the relationship is long-term)

• protectors of sheep (no matter the danger)

• trusted by sheep (they can lead from the front with their voice)

• willing to lay down their life (when the wolves come)

  
  

---

I’ve heard it said that, in all our lives, wolves eventually come—and these can take many forms.

When it came to my teens, did I want them facing these alone? Or, if they became lost, did I want them to feel afraid or embarrassed when they saw me coming? If I was a good shepherd, wouldn’t they feel relieved?

When wolves came, was I willing to lay down my life—in the form of pride, opinions of others, even personal hopes and dreams for my teens?

From the mistakes sheep make, it became clear to me that good shepherds don’t pen their sheep 24/7. They give room for decision-making—and even expect imperfect behavior.

---

This brings us to wounds and ministering.

---

Things shepherds say (and don’t say) to confused, lost, or wounded sheep…

"You followed Fred?"

"What were you thinking!"

"Do you know what could have happened?"

"Who's going to pay for this?"

"Say something!"

What a good shepherd might say...

"Are you okay?"

"That must have been scary."

"What happened next?"

"I can see why it was so hard to know what to do."

"Given all that's happened, what are your concerns?"

"Are you still stressed?"

"These feelings don't have to last."

"God has a plan for things like this."

"You can learn from this mistake and move forward because of Jesus Christ."

---

That’s how my Good Shepherd ministered to me as a parent.

He replaced hurt, anger, fear, and shame with greater faith in Him—and peace.

In case you’re wondering, it’s never too late.

---