I Used to Feel Worse After Praying, Until I Learned This

Jen Weaver
Sep 22, 2024
2 min read

Updated: Feb 15

I thought I was taking my fears to God, but something was missing because I often felt more anxious after praying.

It sounds terrible to say, "I feel worse after praying."

Especially considering this verse:

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

If that’s true, then how could prayer bring anxiety instead of peace?

For a long time, I didn’t know.

Sometimes, I stopped praying altogether, which brought more shame.

How could God answer a child who wasn’t speaking to Him?

The short answer is that He understands us perfectly.

And He is merciful and patient.

The Moment My Prayers No Longer Felt Anxious

A few months into EMDR therapy, I had a realization:

It’s okay to acknowledge our pain. But if we don’t, at the same time, acknowledge something greater, the weight of that can swallow us up.

That insight changed how I prayed.

In therapy, I was asked to “go back” to difficult experiences. Each time, I imagined bringing someone with me like a protector, a nurturer, or someone I associated with unconditional love.

It may sound strange, but it worked.

Facing old pain with a companion with greater capacity taught me a profound spiritual truth: some things shouldn't be faced alone.

Healing and Understanding the Wake of Church Hurt

As I continued therapy, healing came in waves. I felt forgiveness for those who had hurt me, those who hadn’t protected me, and even for myself.

(It’s normal for survivors of abuse to second-guess why they couldn’t prevent what happened.)

The miracle was that the unwanted emotions that kept popping up like whack-a-mole began to fade. Everyday situations that once triggered shame and fear no longer carried the same weight.

That’s when I understood what had been happening during prayer.

How I Used to Pray

I’d rattle off a list of fears.
Plead with God to keep them from happening.
If they did, I’d beg Him to fix them.

Those weren’t really prayers.

They were fear mantras.

I thought I was taking my fears to God.

In reality, I was rehearsing them which cemented them more deeply.

How I Pray Now

I picture Someone with greater capacity beside me, Jesus Christ.
I pour out my heart to God, then turn my focus to His Son.
I think of the Savior’s attributes, His compassion, His calm, His power, and imagine Him advocating with those things on my behalf.

When I do this, my thoughts naturally shift. Instead of pleading to be rescued from an uncomfortable situation, I find myself bearing testimony to God of what I know about Jesus Christ. That’s when peace replaces fear.