Understanding Those I Love or Lead

After decades of trying to understand my experiences with faith-based coercion—and later, the term spiritual abuse—I found a faith-affirming path to clarity and healing. Art by Sabrina Paredes I write from lived experience, more than twenty years of serving as a church youth leader, and ongoing learning about evidence-based safeguarding that names harm without undermining faith. I know many wrestle with this question: If painful experiences in faith-based relationships are re

Lisa Oakley’s Spectrum of Behavior gave me language for understanding difficult experiences in faith-based relationships while still honoring the goodness I had known.

A Christ-centered guide for responding with empathy when someone shares a painful experience in a faith setting or family—how to listen, validate, and respond with wisdom and care.

Written by someone whose faith was pressured as a teen—and who later learned how easy it is to repeat the same pattern. Midway through my sophomore year of high school, I found another faith community that felt like home. But it broke my parents’ hearts. The years that followed were strained. During a waiting period after which I would be allowed to make a final decision, conversations were heavy and emotional. As other adults at school and church tried to influence me, some