I Used to Feel Worse After Praying, Until I Learned This

I thought I was taking my fears to God, but something was missing because I often felt more anxious after praying.

If you’ve ever felt worse after praying, it doesn’t mean you lack faith.

Many people quietly wrestle with that same question — especially when prayer is supposed to bring peace.

Still, it can feel terrible to admit.

Especially considering this verse:

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

If that’s true, then why would prayer ever bring anxiety instead of peace?

For a long time, I didn’t know.

Sometimes, I stopped praying altogether—which made me feel even worse.

How could God answer a child who wasn’t speaking to Him?

The short answer is this: He understands us perfectly.

He is merciful and patient.

He even finds other ways to reach us when fear and anxiety make us feel stuck.

If you’ve ever wrestled with anxiety in faith settings more broadly, I explore that more in What is My Anxiety at Church Trying to Tell Me?

Why I Used to Feel Worse After Praying

A few months into an evidence-based trauma therapy called EMDR, I had a realization:

It’s okay to acknowledge our pain. But if we don’t, at the same time, acknowledge something greater, the weight of that pain may be too much.

That insight changed how I prayed.

In therapy, I was asked to “go back” to difficult experiences while imagining someone with me: a protector, a nurturer, or someone I associated with unconditional love.

It may sound strange, but it worked.

Facing unresolved difficulties with a companion who had greater capacity taught me a profound spiritual truth: Some things shouldn’t be faced alone.

For me, some of those unresolved difficulties were connected to experiences of church hurt, which I unpack more fully in How I Reclaimed My Agency And Navigated Difficult Experiences in Faith Settings.

How Therapy Helped Me Understand My Difficulty Praying and Began Healing Church Hurt

As I continued therapy, healing came in waves.

I felt forgiveness for those who had hurt me, those who hadn’t protected me, and even for myself. (It’s normal for survivors of abuse to second-guess why they couldn’t prevent what happened.)

The unwanted emotions that once popped up like whack-a-mole began to fade.

Everyday situations that had triggered shame and fear no longer carried the same weight.

That’s when I understood what had been happening during prayer.

Some of what I had interpreted as spiritual failure was actually anxiety shaped by impactful behavior in faith-based relationships in my youth. For more on this, see Understanding Lisa Oakley's Spectrum of Behavior in Faith-Based Relationships.

What Fear-Based Prayer Looked Like

I’d rattle off a list of fears.

Plead with God to keep those things from happening.

If they happened anyway, I’d beg Him to fix them.

Those weren’t really prayers.

They were fear mantras.

I thought I was taking my fears to God.

In reality, I was rehearsing them — which cemented them more deeply.

Looking back, some of that urgency was shaped by pressure; the kind I describe in High Demand Church vs. Jesus’ Easy Yoke.

What Healthy Prayer Feels Like

Now, I picture Someone with greater capacity beside me: Jesus Christ.

I pour out my heart to God, then turn my focus to His Son.

I think of my Savior’s attributes, His compassion, His power, His calm, and I imagine Him advocating with those things on my behalf.

When I do this, my thoughts shift.

Instead of anticipating uncomfortable situations or worrying about things beyond my control, peace begins to replace fear.

I find myself sharing with my Heavenly Father what I know about His Son.

Of course, God already knows these things.

But contemplating them, and verbalizing them, cements them more fully in my own mind and heart.

This shift from fear to trust is also what I’ve seen happen when we learn how to respond to church hurt with clarity and compassion instead of confusion or panic.

What I Now Understand

Anxiety loses power when I give Jesus’ capacity more weight than my fears.

Secure in the knowledge that He has overcome all things, I fear fewer things.

Can you imagine being with Him one day and fearing nothing?

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I feel worse after praying?

Feeling worse after praying doesn’t mean a lack of faith. It may mean that prayer has become a rehearsal of fears rather than a release of them. When we focus only on what we’re afraid of and pray for those things not to happen, we can unintentionally reinforce anxiety instead of moving toward trust.

God understands this. He is merciful and patient, and He continues to reach us, even when prayer feels difficult or overwhelming.

What is the difference between fear-based prayer and healthy prayer?

Fear-based prayer centers on what could go wrong. It repeatedly brings those fears to the forefront. Healthy prayer acknowledges concerns, while shifting the focus toward Jesus Christ. As we reflect on His capacity, power, and ability to help, our prayers begin to change.

Rather than focusing only on what we fear, we think of His power to redeem. With that, greater peace can begin to replace anxiety.

Can therapy help someone who struggles with prayer because of past experiences in faith settings?

 Yes. Evidence-based therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help process unresolved experiences that may be shaping how prayer feels.

For many, healing underlying wounds and patterns makes it easier to approach God with confidence and trust.

What if past experiences at church or in faith-based relationships have made it hard to pray or feel close to God?

This is more common than many people realize, but God understands. When past experiences in faith-based relationships have involved pressure, shame, or confusion, it may shape how prayer feels.

While connection can’t be forced, we can make room for Christ in different ways that strengthen our relationship with Him. Christ understands spiritual wounds. He meets us where we are, slowly showing us something new.